I Once Was a 15-Year Girl…

Remember the introduction to the movie “The Jerk”?

“I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin’ on the porch with my family, singin’ and dancin’ down in Mississippi…”

(Of course, when you say the quote, you need to do it was a thick south’n accent!).  One of my favorite movies and favorites lines from Steve Martin.

Now it is my turn:

“I’m a 14-Year-Old girl with acne that none of the boys want to touch.”

I know the quote is not as good, but it is just as ridiculous as the jerk.  The funny thing is that *I* was the 14-year-old girl.

Back when I started internet marketing, I was following what the “ebooks” were telling me.  Pick a product, create a persona around that product and sell it to the followers and peers of that group.

I was having problems with Google Adwords at the time promoting everything from lottery websites to “Win a Free iPod” to ultimate abs workouts.  I bid general terms like “win the lottery”, “free iPod” and “ads workouts”.  The bid prices were high and I never got any clicks.  Too much competition.

I then saw a commerical for Pro-Activ and there was Jessica Simpson selling the product.  Hmmmmm…a masterful online marketing plan erupted in my brain and I got right to it!

I jumped on Adwords and checked out the competition and search volume for “Jessica Simpson”.  YES!  Tons of traffic and few bidders!  You know that people looking for acne solutions MUST be searching for Jessica Simpson, right!?  Then, the plan become more ingenious.  I was going to be a 14-year girl with acne problems but after watching the Jessica Simpson ad, I decided to try it and YES, it cured my acne!

(What the *%$%! was I thinking!)

I really did this, too.  I created a landing page.  I then bid (rather small amount) on the exact phrase “Jessica Simpson”.  I then started to scour the teenage forums, built a MySpace page (in those days), and began my marketing genious!

The Google Adword impressions went through the roof!  My click-thrus… ummmm… hmmmm…not so good (<0.1%).  Still it was something!

Then my brilliant forum work left me banned on three sites and a mob of people littering the internet of stories about the a-hole who is trying to be a girl to sell stuff.  (I even argued it as the girl for awhile, but finally retreated).

At the end of the day, I spent $78 on Google Adwords, made an idiot out of myself and spent about a week creating a website.

The return?  One sale for $4.55.

It was my first sale online and I knew this was the beginning of something big…but it wasn’t this!  :-)


Get Over Your “I’m Not a Writer” B-S!

Since 2006, I would say that I have written about 1000 articles, blog posts, reviews, etc.  The funny thing is that they never scored more than a 380 on my verbal SAT test and I almost got kicked out of university because I would not construct a proper argument.

I never wanted to become a writer.  I’m an technical guy.  I still don’t call myself a writer. But when internet marketing rolled around, I just started to write (because that is what I was told to do to make money). I was more focused in on making money than my writing ability.

At the end of the day, my writing has never really improved.  I write in “speech”, as some would say it.  My punctuation is pretty bad and my grammar is virtual non-exisitant.  I like doing things like adding three dots (…) between my thoughts and if the sentence lacks a verb, so be it.

That being said, I still can communicate.  Maybe not according to the rules of the English language, but enough for you (my reader) to understand what I am saying.  And to be honest, I never really worried about whether my writing was or good not.  I just didn’t care.  I just did it.

Its been 7 years since I started “writing” for my website and it has directly generated over $1,000,000 in sales.  (To that writing professor a-hole that said I would never survive in any industry because of my “poor” communications ability -> F.U.! I’ve probably made more from writing that you ever have!) 

I bring this up for one major reason and it relates to a discussion I had with one of my Landmark Forum group-members…He was struggling (for years!) to start a blog.  He knew what he wanted to do and I even helped him set up a simple wordpress blog.  But now he is TERRIFIED to write.

  • “What if no one reads this?”
  • “I’m not a writer!”
  • “People will laugh at me!”
  • “I only have a high school education!”

I told him it really didn’t matter and I explained to him what I wrote above.  His homework this week is to finally write in his blog.  I’m going to make him accountable for that.

But if something is holding YOU back from something based on what others have told you OR just plain fear…get over it!  I hate to say this, but really:


Give people a reason to care…whether it is good or bad…Any recognition is good recognition!